Messy (3/27)

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to FORGIVE us our sins and to CLEANSE us from all unrighteousness.” -1 John 1:9

Thankfully I don’t have a major testimony in the mess department like some of you would call it but I am nothing short of a mess. I actually often call myself hot mess mama or spicy disaster, hey no one is perfect! I go through different kinds of messes as my seasons come and go. The first several months after I injured my foot in March of 2018 I thought God had left me, I was angry at Him. I felt so alone. Just unworthy, weak, faking it, hope was all gone. Now these feelings I still battle but no where near like then.

I felt alone, like who do I go to?! My life was turned upside down and no one wants to hear about my “little” problems. I felt like all my friends had left (they really hadn’t but later realized God allowed me to think it) and all that was left was God. How could I talk to Him about my “little” problems. People were praying for me why wasn’t I healed?! My life was going great why ruin it all God?!

As these thoughts entangled my heart God started to work on me. Most of the time through other people. Making me see that He WANTS my messy. My messy is His way. As I began to unravel, opening parts of me I didn’t know was there and holding me back, my life began to change. I argued God day after day, He still came back the next. I blamed Him for ruining my life. He never left. As I turned to relying on alcohol to make me feel better He didn’t disown me. While I admitted “my mess” you know what He did? He wrapped His arms around me and pulled me in. He hugged me so tight that my anger turned to tears then turned to comfort then turned to love. No one else could do that to me. They tried but it didn’t help.

I needed to admit my faults and ask for forgiveness. My forgiveness at that time were the tears and the feeling in my heart. I knew the Holy Spirit took over. I brought my mess of a life to Him and it was there that He began MY testimony of HIS great love.

God is closest to the broken-hearted, the mess, the spicy disaster. He is there, waiting desperately for you to come. No matter what. Jesus love cancels out everything else. Oh and guess what?! He already knows the pitfalls. He knows what sin is engulfing you. Instead of “trying to hide it” and dying, just go to Him, wherever you are and say here it is Lord. I lay it at your feet. Take it from me and give me a new heart. You will be so glad you did.