This weeks reading: Monday: 2 Samuel 22-23, Psalms 57. Tuesday: Psalms 95, 97-99. Wednesday: 2 Samuel 24, 1 Chronicles 21-22, Psalms 30. Thursday: Psalms 108-110. Friday: 1 Chronicles 23-25. Saturday: Psalms 131, 138-139, 143-145. Sunday: 1 Chronicles 26-29, Psalms 127.
This is a recent photo of me. It’s hard to look at that because she looks tired. Maybe a little drugged. A little bigger in size. Just not who I expected me to be at this age.
I’m going to get real. I have always struggled with my body weight. I felt I needed to be a certain size. That’s where I found a lot of my worth.
Year and half ago I had a SCS implanted into my spine. For a year I was not able to work out much. Between that and my medication increasing side effects I gained a lot of weight. I have since lost quite a bit, but I am still not the size I was. This is beyond hard for me. I felt I needed to be a certain size to be enough for my husband and for me.
I’m here to tell you size does not matter. In a way I was obsessed and I feel this was Gods way of showing me I am not using my time wisely. It’s not at all about size. Looking back I was probably at an unhealthy weight but in my mind I needed to be that size. I didn’t eat much. Worked out every day. If the scale went up couple pounds I definitely didn’t eat the next day.
This is one of those lies that the enemy tells me and I fall for it. Each time I fall for it. I wish I could say I have fully accepted who I am but I can’t. I struggle day to day. But I am letting go of the lie little by little. That to me is a victory!
God made us. And remember he makes everything perfect. So me questioning what I look like is me questioning Gods perfection. Ouch!
God didn’t make me to question His goodness. He made me because He loves me. The way I am, He loves me. And He is all that matters.
When I adjust my perspective, that woman in the photo looks like she is tired but she is fighting. She hasn’t given up despite one thing after another trying to break her. She has scars, imperfections, weariness. They are a reminder of who God is. He felt I was strong enough to handle this battle (of course with His help and only His help) and I am not about to let Him down because He has never let me down.
So embrace yourself as you are. You are beautiful! God’s perfect creation. Start obsessing over what is more important. And that is sharing the Good News and being a light in the darkness. “For you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” 🧡